three things i'm learning about keeping a marriage and a family

Even though I'm a new mom, I sometimes forget that I'm a newlywed too! Well by my standards anyway. We have been married for a month over a year now so I think it still counts! I understand why people wait to have children for a few years after they marry: it's tough! We weren't planning on having a darling baby this early in our marriage, in fact we were planning to wait for a few more years. God had a better plan though, and we cannot imagine a morning without our Mia.

The first years of marriage come with their own tough lessons without adding baby drama to the mix. It is hard 'becoming one' with someone, even if you have dated them for years (we were married after five years of dating). True love is really put to the test throughout the pregnancy, in the labor & delivery room, and at 2, 4, & 6 am feedings. We conceived a whole month after our wedding, so I started off my pregnancy and marriage very emotionally (honestly I was an Emotional Emily all three trimesters). My husband was very generous with me, he learned early on that the only way to keep me happy was to send me for a nap or to tuck me in for good.

Disclaimer: I do not have a perfect marriage and I don't claim to be any sort of expert on relationships or parenting. There are things that I have learned that are important for me to share (this is more for me than for any reader). These are things that people told me were important to learn, but I didn't realize how important until I had to live through it.

First, Sharing responsibilities is extremely important. Maybe I am the only wife/mom (unlikely) but I can feel stress rolling right off of me when I see my husband taking the trash out, vacuuming, or changing a diaper. There are days when I am so exhausted and overwhelmed and Adam knows that I am on autopilot, but watching him help out relaxes me instantly. Early on in our marriage it was hard for me to learn to share chores: not because I want to do more but because I want them done my way! Once I learned (still learning) to give up control I realized that when a chore is done it's done! That's it! Hallelujah!

We also share responsibilities in parenting. We both feel that a dad and a mom are equally important to raising a child and that nothing should be exclusive to the mother (except breastfeeding, obviously). My husband is confused when other dads shy away from doing diapers or get nervous about being alone with a baby. He enjoys taking care of Mia, I can trust him to take care of her exclusively at any point in time. He has found his own soothing ways with her. He could swaddle, bathe, feed, and play just as well as I can. Of course I love love love spending time with my little girl but it's so nice to know he can take her off my hands when I need a break! When we first found out we were parents, a couple that we're close to gave us this advice, and I am so glad!

Second, Quality Time, Quality Time, Quality Time. I said 'Time' 3x because it's important. Any new mom or dad can tell you that there is no such thing as personal time anymore. Now that is rough on a new marriage. After I have poured myself out to my child, to work, and to spending time with God, how do I find the time to spend with my husband? It's impossible! Last night we randomly woke up in the middle of the night and talked for an hour or so just to catch up with each other before falling back asleep. Before the baby we always practiced 'Monday Date Night'. Now it's a distant memory. I am learning that is so important to make time for each other (it's not like we'll regret it!) and to let my spouse know that I want to be more available. This is one place where having a shared interest comes in handy. I am trying to understand a few of my husbands hobbies (I am a fumbler with video games or sports), but I think he appreciates my efforts and we have fun if nothing else. When all else fails, there's netflix.

Third, Acknowledging your spouse's roles outside of parenting. Before I was a mom, I was (and am) many things. I enjoy being involved in my church, I like to cook, I like messing around with pictures and graphics. I love zumba, academics, and I can enjoy an opera or a good basketball game. I love meeting new people and I love roadtrips. I feel loved when my husband compliments me (what wife doesn't?) about my being a mother. Its great! But I have noticed that it is important to me that he recognizes that I wear other hats as well. I think he feels the same way. He likes his talents to be appreciated and his ideas to be valued and his roles outside of 'fatherhood' to be recognized too.

Ah, now I feel better. I am not any sort of blogger, and I have no idea what I'm doing. But sometimes on a late night like this it's nice to organize my thoughts and reflect. Someday I'll look back and read these posts and wonder what on earth I was thinking, but I am a documenter, and I have to account for the things I'm learning. Thank you for being patient with me.

three months & counting

a few days old

Mia is three months old today. Where has the time gone?

three months old

When I first held her I remember thinking, how will I ever leave you? how did you come from me? will I ever be good enough for you? i remember feeling overwhelmed. but as i held her i knew it was responsibility to know and love my Mia. to understand her quirks, her favorites, her humor, and her smile. the journey of a lifetime began on June 19. I have never know what a mother's love is and how strongly it beats until I had my baby girl.

In these three months I have learned that God is the giver of all good things. While learning about my bundle of joy I have learned more about myself than I ever knew. Caring for a baby gives you lots of time for introspection. Where my strength ends, His begins. He has carried me through the sleepless nights and unpaid bills and has taught me that Sara cannot accomplish anything on her own, at least anything eternally worthwhile. If I have been entrusted with this precious child then it is up to me to raise her to serve the God of the universe, the God who holds the stars in his hands. He has given me life, and life more abundantly. He wants everything from me: my family, my dreams, my future, my relationships, and all of my passion. When I surrender everything to Him, he takes it all for His glory and I am showered with blessings.

Mia has never wanted for anything, except more milk! She has an insatiable appetite! I am even grateful for that. She is healthy, and strong. The instinct instilled in a mother is so complex and natural, I pour out love for her out of places in my heart I have never been to. The Creator knew what he was doing when He made mothers. My God has supplied all of our needs according to His riches in Glory! O Praise Him! He is Good! I have never had to buy a single diaper, wipe, onesie, or piece of baby equipment for my darling girl. With three baby showers, a large extended family, loving church ladies, and a huge network of a support system that our family is blessed to have in several states, we have been provided for abundantly! Our angel can't even get through all of the clothes that were saved, made, or bought for her. Thousands of diapers are piled up in her closet. Her nursery is packed with our yellow and grey baby things. Our living room is overwhelmed with a swing bouncer, car seat, and play gym underfoot. Everything she has was given from good friends by a good God.

I have watched my newborn unravel into an infant. She has stretched and yawned and cooed her way out to 23+ inches. She has a contagious smile, a head full of hair that won't stop growing, and fists that she sucks every chance she gets. I remember her first week of smiles, we were head over heels in love when she smiled back. Now she is enthralled with her hands and taking to the bird on her mobile. She grasps things with purpose, she fascinates herself with her own hands. She loves baths and bedtime, especially when we get to the part where we rub her feet. I expect to be sharing many pedicures with my firstborn.

Mia loves to be held so she is standing up, and if you give in to this demand you will be rewarded with squeals of delight. Her favorite toy is the little pink elephant, she chews at her ears and strokes her trunk and tail. When I bring Mia to church she likes to be held so that she can see everything during the worship service. After the meet and greet she is worn out with socializing and falls right to sleep in my arms during the service. Whenever I am getting ready to go out, I prop her up on top of the dryer so she can watch me get ready. She watches me intently while I do my make up and dry my hair. She loves when I turn the dryer on her! Her own hair is so curly when it's wet. I can even see some curls poking out around her ears now. Maybe my husband rubs miracle grown on her scalp while I'm gone.

This little lady is a daddy's girl all the way. She loves her mama for sure, always calming down in my arms to the cadence I sway her in. However, there is a no mistaking her interest in her daddy. And the feeling is mutual. They are fast friends and she knows daddy is good for playtime and silly songs and games. Adam hardly flinches at an explosive diaper or a fussy afternoon. He handles her patiently and with a positive attitude. On a saturday last week he took care of Mia from 8 am till her bedtime at 11. Most dads would call incessantly and panic. Not my husband. I expected to come home to chaos but I found my precious girl sleeping soundly in her crib, already fed, changed, bathed, swaddled, sung to, and tucked in. I am blessed with a conscientious husband who cares for his little bundle of joy so gently.

If this is just the beginning, I cannot wait to see how many more blessings my little family has in store. Bring it on!!

Senior Banquet

babe

i just got yelled at for ironing in my room

thats not allowed either

yesterday i got yelled at for having my wax machine on, i have to be with it at all times

a month ago i got yelled at for not standing by the toaster oven

but tomorrow starts easter break!!

chilling with tori

tori helped me navigate the ridiculous vacuum cleaner, which is pretty much a fifty pound backpack.

and then we just passed the afternoon catching up on reading and listening to some awesome pandora stations together =]

geocaching!!

maybe you're like me and have never heard of geocaching. i was more than intrigued when aleena beth shared at lunch on sunday that she had found some great geocaches near by, does anyone want to come with? erich and tim had already been and were instantly enthused.

adam and i had never heard of it. aleena explained that geocaches are like old arm pillboxes filled with themed items. you take one, and you leave one. you can look them up online or with your geocache app on your phone. it's like a treasure hunt. all you have to do is put the lat/longitude into your gps, or on your phone, and it'll lead you to where "X" marks the spot!!

our first geocache!

this one was filled with all kinds of art and beautiful paintings

it's too bad that adam's body does not agree with the woods, we found 8-10 ticks on him when we got back to the car. needless to say: he was freaking out!!

we still managed to do another geocache or two for the day.

it was a great day, filled with hilarious new memories!